to my photogrphr friends
Murphy’s photography laws
- You are not Ansel Adams
- Neither are you Herb Ritz
- Automatic Cameras - Aren’t
- Auto Focus - won’t
- If you can’t remember, you left the film at home
- No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting
- When in doubt, motor out
- If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film
- If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid
- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is watching
- The most critical roll of film is fogged
- If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film
- Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell at
- The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short supply
- Interchangeable parts aren’t
- Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls
- Weather never cooperates
- Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on location
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
- The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer
- Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be
- There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work
- Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do
- Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t
- No photojournalist is well dressed
- No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist
- Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs
- The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
-when animals are ready.
-when you’re not.
- Same rule just substitute children
- Client Intelligence is a contradiction
- There is no such thing as a perfect shoot
- The important things are always simple
- The simple things are always hard
- Flashes will fail as soon as you need them
- A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moisture
- Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it
- The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
- The lens that falls is always the most expensive.
- when you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
- Bugs always want to land on the mirror during a lens swap.
- Your batteries will always go dead or you will need to put in a new film canister at the least opportune moment.
- Your batteries will always go dead during a long exposure (so with the shutter open).
- When you shoot the night away and never have to stop. Your film did not roll on to the take up reel.
Sent by Les Benton
- Camera are designed with a built-in sensor, that senses the anticipation to develop the film.
When the level of anticipation is highest, this sensor causes the back to flip open exposing the film.
Sent by Takura Razemba
- Lenses are attracted back to their source - hard rocks.
The more expensive the lens, the greater the attraction.
- No matter how long you’ve had a convention for marking film holders, you will forget it - when exposing the once-in-a-lifetime shot.
- Safelights - aren’t.
- The greater a photographer’s excitement, the greater its chance of fogging film, scratching prints, and deleting files.
- The success of an assignment is inversely proportional to the product of its importance and the number of people watching.
- Strobes only explode when lots of people are watching.
Strobes only work when there is nobody else to see.
The last six laws and corollaries were sent by Jason Antman
to my fellow mma students
Murphy’s graphic design laws
- Your fonts will default.
- If you have two versions of a photo, you will send the wrong one to the printer.
- Promises made by the salesperson never make it to the pressroom.
- The salesperson will promise anything.
- If the text consists of two words, one will be misspelled.
- Speed. Quality. Affordability. Pick two.
- If the run is wrong, it’s never the press operator’s fault.
- Spell checkers don’t.
- Grammar checkers don’t, either.
- Global search-and-replaces aren’t.
- The index entry you leave out will be the first one the client looks under.
- Optical Character Recognition is good comedy.
- If three designs are shown to a client, your least favorite will be chosen.
- If two designs are shown, a third will be requested. If provided, then one of the first two will be chosen.
- Blueline proofs reveal previously invisible errors.
- The best designs never survive contact with the client.
- You will misspell the name of the client’s spouse.
- Your best idea is already copyrighted.
- Creative inspiration flows in inverse proportion to the distance from the studio.
- Doctors, astronauts, and plumbers need training to do their jobs, but anyone with a copy of Publisher is a graphic designer
- No matter how detailed the tech support FAQ is, nobody has ever heard of your problem
- The number of colors in a client’s design will equal the number of colors in the original bid specs, plus two
- The client’s disk won’t run on your equipment
- If you purchase new equipment to read your client’s disk, it will be the last disk of that type you will ever receive
- Your client won’t “get it.”
All the laws above were sent by Jay
- A single picture tells more than a thousand words. Any technical picture has more than thousand bugs
- A single picture has more bugs than be described with thousand words
The last two laws were sent by Janne Siren