dotay

Murphy’s photography laws

• You are not Ansel Adams
• Neither are you Herb Ritz
• Automatic Cameras - Aren’t
• Auto Focus - won’t
• If you can’t remember, you left the film at home
• No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting
• When in doubt, motor out
• If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film
• If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid
• Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is watching
• The most critical roll of film is fogged
• If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film
• Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell at
• The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short supply
• Interchangeable parts aren’t
• Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls
• Weather never cooperates
• Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on location
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
• The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer
• Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be
• There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work
• Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do
• Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t
• No photojournalist is well dressed
• No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist
• Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs
• The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
  -when animals are ready.
  -when you’re not.
• Same rule just substitute children
• Client Intelligence is a contradiction
• There is no such thing as a perfect shoot
• The important things are always simple
• The simple things are always hard
• Flashes will fail as soon as you need them
• A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moisture
• Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it
• The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
• The lens that falls is always the most expensive.
• when you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
• Bugs always want to land on the mirror during a lens swap.
• Your batteries will always go dead or you will need to put in a new film canister at the least opportune moment.
• Your batteries will always go dead during a long exposure (so with the shutter open).
• When you shoot the night away and never have to stop. Your film did not roll on to the take up reel.
  Sent by Les Benton
• Camera are designed with a built-in sensor, that senses the anticipation to develop the film.
  When the level of anticipation is highest, this sensor causes the back to flip open exposing the film.
  Sent by Takura Razemba
• Lenses are attracted back to their source - hard rocks.
  Corollary:
  The more expensive the lens, the greater the attraction.
• No matter how long you’ve had a convention for marking film holders, you will forget it - when exposing the once-in-a-lifetime shot.
• Safelights - aren’t.
• The greater a photographer’s excitement, the greater its chance of fogging film, scratching prints, and deleting files.
• The success of an assignment is inversely proportional to the product of its importance and the number of people watching.
• Strobes only explode when lots of people are watching.
  Corollary:
  Strobes only work when there is nobody else to see.
  The last six laws and corollaries were sent by Jason Antman

http://www.murphys-laws.com/

Murphy’s graphic design laws

• Your fonts will default.
• If you have two versions of a photo, you will send the wrong one to the printer.
• Promises made by the salesperson never make it to the pressroom.
• The salesperson will promise anything.
• If the text consists of two words, one will be misspelled.
• Speed. Quality. Affordability.  Pick two.
• If the run is wrong, it’s never the press operator’s fault.
• Spell checkers don’t.
• Grammar checkers don’t, either.
• Global search-and-replaces aren’t.
• The index entry you leave out will be the first one the client looks under.
• Optical Character Recognition is good comedy.
• If three designs are shown to a client, your least favorite will be chosen.
• If two designs are shown, a third will be requested.  If provided, then one of the first two will be chosen.
• Blueline proofs reveal previously invisible errors.
• The best designs never survive contact with the client.
• You will misspell the name of the client’s spouse.
• Your best idea is already copyrighted.
• Creative inspiration flows in inverse proportion to the distance from the studio.
• Doctors, astronauts, and plumbers need training to do their jobs, but anyone with a copy of Publisher is a graphic designer
• No matter how detailed the tech support FAQ is, nobody has ever heard of your problem
• The number of colors in a client’s design will equal the number of colors in the original bid specs, plus two
• The client’s disk won’t run on your equipment
• If you purchase new equipment to read your client’s disk, it will be the last disk of that type you will ever receive
• Your client won’t “get it.”
  All the laws above were sent by Jay
• A single picture tells more than a thousand words. Any technical picture has more than thousand bugs
• A single picture has more bugs than be described with thousand words
  The last two laws were sent by Janne Siren

http://www.murphys-laws.com/